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Venetoulis: Trump – The War Time President.

March 24, 2020

W: Sorry to interrupt you, Donald.
T: No problem, Winnie, always great to hear from my favorite P.M. How’s your golf game.
W: Uh. Not well, Donald. As you know there’s a war going on…
T: You’re kidding me. A war. Nobody told me. That’s the problem around here. I’m always the last to know.
W: Quite sorry about that. It’s been in the papers.
T: Fake news. Winnie. We don’t read the papers. Banned every damn one of them. Enemy of the people, everybody tells me.
W: Uh… that may be Donald, but I’m calling to alert you that it’s inevitable that France will fall.
T: France fall? The stock? Should we sell?
W: Not the stock. The country.
T: Lucky I didn’t make that Paris hotel deal.
W: Now that the Nazi armies have swept through Europe, they will try to cross the channel.
T: You’re not calling to blame me, are you Winnie. It’s your channel, not mine. Hey, your buck stops with you, not with me. Anyhow, I don’t give a sh*t about your war. You mind getting to the big stuff…you know — something about me. Do they like me over there?
W: Of course they like you and they would like you more if you gave us a little help fighting off Hitler.
T: Hitler? Who’s he?
W: Uh…he’s a dictator. Wants to take over Europe. A madman. A malicious narcissist.
T. Sounds like my kind of guy.
W. But we will never surrender — we will fight them on the seas and oceans…we will fight them on the beaches…we will fight them on the landing grounds…in the fields…and streets…we will never surrender…
T: Hey that’s pretty good. Who writes your stuff. But Like I say, I’m not responsible, at all. Can’t get dragged into a war over there. Can’t piss off my base. Hard-core isolationists. America First you know — Father Coughlin, Lindbergh, all these bible-thumping evangelists. Want nothing to do with you foreigners.
W: But if you don’t help us fight them in Europe, you will have to fight them in America.
T: You got a point. What can I do that I can say I never did it later?
W: We’re told you have some old destroyers in dry-dock we could use.
T: Who told you that?
W: Speaker Pelosi.
T: She what? What’s she doing messing around? Presidents do war in this country not Pelosi. Article 2. Read it. I do everything, anything I want. Witch! Too smart for her snappy pants suits. Things are going to happen to her.
W: Uh… if you say so, Donald…But we’d be happy to take those destroyers off your hands.
T: OK. But you can do me a little favor, though.
W: What’s that sir?
T: There’s this guy wants to run against me. Could you investigate him for being a commy. Don’t have to really do anything, just hold press conference saying it. My Firsties hate commies.
W: Uh, well, are you saying that if we accused your opponent of being a communist, we would get the destroyers? A quid pro quo?
T: No. No quid pro quo. I want nothing. But as you know I’m a businessman.
W: But Donald. These are government destroyers, are they not?
T: Come on Winnie. Get real. I’m the government. They are my destroyers.
W: But Donald, trading government property for our meddling in your election, doesn’t seem right.
T: Of course it’s not right and that’s why I want nothing. Just call him a commie ratfink.
W: But that’s a quid pro quo.
T: Naw. Nobody understands that Latin crap.
W: Donald. Maybe we should meet at the White House to show Hitler that we are united.
T: No problem. First, one more thing.
W: Another favor.
T: Of course not. Winnie, the President of the United States never swaps the national security for some domestic political errand.
W: Quite right, Donald, but what is it this time?
T: Ivanka has this great jewelry stuff that would look good on the Queen if she’d like to order some.
W: Jewelry for the Queen?
T: Not just for the Queen but for the invitation to the White House, too. Unless you don’t think her stuff is good enough.
W: Oh, no sir I never said that. It’s wonderful. In fact I was thinking of getting something for Clementine this Christmas.
T: So glad you guys still say Christmas over there. We’re into Happy Holiday bullshit over here. I’ll have her call you; maybe she can work out a discount. And by the way, one more thing.
W: Uh, what might that be?
T: Stop talking to Nervous Nancy. Talk to Rudi. He’s my personal fixer. Or talk to Barr. He’s my inside fixer.

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